January 2016

This is essentially part II of my post from last week, which was about feeling feelings and how it’s okay to be sad or mad.

Now I want to talk about allowing ourselves to be happy & feel at peace.

I’ve carried a lot of beliefs over the years that haven’t served me well and only really ensured that I would feel a lack of peace.

Such as:

~Nothing worthwhile comes easy.

~Suffering is noble.

~Life is hard.

~It’s rude to be happy when there’s so much suffering around.

I noticed that when I started to challenge these beliefs and adopt new ones, it was a bit of a process. Conditioned beliefs tend to linger on and seep through everything we do, often subconsciously. They can be pesky little pests to get rid of.

The 4 little beliefs above contributed to my life experience in such a way that it was inviting more of the same experiences. For instance, I would make myself suffer when I didn’t have to because of my core belief that life was just supposed to be hard. And if I wasn’t suffering, then I must have not been doing it right. I would attract drama into my life because I expected drama to be there. So if it wasn’t there, something would feel off. This is also where self-sabotage comes in. We think something is too good so we ruin it in order to keep a false sense of safety.

And honestly, I can still do this if I don’t keep myself in check. Luckily I keep myself in check much of the time.

I think that there are truly difficult things in life to overcome. One being my struggle with addiction. That shit was hard to get past. And it’s an active choice I still make every day—to stay sober. But I also think when one is used to suffering for so long, it's what is familiar and therefore it is usually a hell of a lot more comfortable to continue living in chaos and creating more struggle than it is to just relax and enjoy stuff.

When I realized I had to ‘get out of my own way’, I needed to literally tell myself that it was O.K. to have fun, feel at ease, and live in peace. I needed to retrain my brain and teach my body to feel comfortable when things were going smoothly. Our bodies seek homeostasis, which is to keep our internal conditions relatively constant. If we are in constant crisis, our bodies will want more of that. The opposite is also true.

The cool thing about this is that as we start to change our beliefs, our actions follow, and this creates a new habit. We are all creatures of habit, to some extent. This means that it’s hardest at the very beginning, but eventually, it starts to feel natural.

I set new thought norms and I call on my affirmative card decks to help me out. One of my favorites is Louise Hay’s Wisdom Cards.

I pick a card at random and then weave the ideas of the card into my day. This way I am integrating new thought patterns into my brain and they can seep into my subconscious, replacing the old & limiting ones.

One of the ideas I’ve been focusing on lately is approaching work and life with ease & surrender. Instead of trying sooo hard, making things happen, and 'hustling.' I’ve reframed the thought that in order to do something worthwhile, it has to be a struggle or uphill battle. Life and work CAN be fun, easy, and light depending on the attitude I bring to it.

When I allow myself to experience good things and know in my heart that I deserve them, then I can feel happy.

And now I know it’s okay to be happy. It’s a feeling, just like all the others. I don’t have to suffer and it doesn’t mean I’m working hard if I do. I don’t have to suffer even if people around me are suffering. They will benefit more from my joy and light anyway.

Will you let yourself be happy?